I hate your face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He better not be in your backpack
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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