someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize