I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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