I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
