There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
