I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
