okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
