I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
