Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
