seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
