Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
