I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I could fuck to npr.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
