WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
