I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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