Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize