Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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