You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize