I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
