Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
