Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
