it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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