Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
