my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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