It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
