just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
