am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize