Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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