Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
