They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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