i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
