You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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