I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
