...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
