You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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