Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
