I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
