I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
