i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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