The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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