No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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