Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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