I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
