Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
