i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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