i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
