I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
