If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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