Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
