soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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