the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
