Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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