Already got asked if we're dating
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
