i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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