now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I supernannyed him into submission
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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