Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
