Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this will be a night to untag.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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