OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
