Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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