:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
