so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
