Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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