Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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