dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
