____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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