Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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