it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
