Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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