New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
