i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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