I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
