there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
