Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The best revenge is premature balding
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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