He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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