I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
