I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
