So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
