I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize