I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
