your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
