$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're like the curious george of whores
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
