Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The Olympian is in my bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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