i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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