i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
