Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Farmville is her only friend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
