so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
