He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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