that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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