Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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