I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
