There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
