my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
