it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
