Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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