you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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