He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize