You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i out mim tonsoeep
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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