Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
