I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize