Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize