just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
