OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
