Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
