I'm so fucking centered right now
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
