That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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