The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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