So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
