Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
