I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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