You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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