Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
