Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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