And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
