He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
