i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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