It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
