I just saw a hot homeless man
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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