Quick, to the slutcave!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
