Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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